Statement of Dan Crall

Dan Crall is 28 years old and lives in Corvallis, Oregon. He attended Victory Home for Boys when he was a teen. Victory Home for Boys operated under the same type of hard-line religion as most religious reform schools. I thought it would be fitting to include the statement of a man who went through a similar situation. It's important to remember that girls are not the only ones who have been locked up against their will. Mr. Crall has graciously provided his story below describing his experience and feelings on this subject. I asked the questions and the answers below are his words entirely.

MU: Please describe your experience in a boy's reform school environment. Also, I'd like to know the following: Were you abused, and if so, how; when did this take place; where was it located and why did you have to go there?

DC: My experience at Victory Homes for Boys (VH) in Amberg, Wisconsin was a mixed experience. I had some good times, met some good people, successfully completed my eighth grade year and did learn some important lessons: I learned to control myself, and to get along in normal society without vandalizing property, always being in conflict with other people and in trouble at school.

Before VH, I was pretty hyper-active, destructive and annoying as hell, I would imagine. The most important part of the curriculum that VH wanted all of us to leave with was a new, devoted relationship with Jesus Christ. I left wanting anything but. While I was there, I was forbidden to talk about past "sins," we never watched movies that were not boring, PG or G-rated family/Christian films, we were not allowed to listen to any "Satan's music" (any music with a beat, or anything that was not Gospel/church music...even Christian rock was demonized, and called "worldly"). We were not allowed to do much of anything that was not in line with hard-line, fundamentalist principles. This really sucked because a lot of the things that were important at that time in my life were all made out to be grave sins, with no room for flexibility. All the teachings were Biblically based, but the only motivation to buy into what they said was fear.

It wasn't too interesting. We woke up with Bible devotions, went to school down the hill where Bible class was a significant part of the day, we had a chapel service every evening, we went to church 3 times a week in town at a boring, strict Baptist church... and all throughout the day, God was the topic of the leaders' discussion, at least 90% of the time.

As a form of punishment for 3 demerits or more during one day, we would have to write the same Bible verse over and over for an entire hour, filling at least 3 pages of paper, front and back. I usually had more than 3 demerits each day.

Along with many others at various times, I was put on "restriction" in which I would sit in a walk-in coat closet at a desk, not allowed to talk to anyone, though they were around in nearby rooms. When we went to church, those on restriction were not allowed to converse with anyone, aside from the VH staff.

While it was no fun at the time, I look back and don't consider this "inhumane" considering how bad some other people have been/ are currently punished at boarding schools. I was never physically abused, though I did have a weird encounter with the house-parent Mr. Baker, who once tried to give me a wedgie with this creepy smile on his face. This took place in the kitchen after dinner, and others were nearby doing after-dinner chores; it was something I walked away from quickly. Nothing of the sort ever happened again. I never reported it because it seemed kind of insignificant to me, and thought that maybe I was playing it out in my own perverted mind too much. It really didn't bother me at the time... and still doesn't today. It was just a little weird. I really don't think that he meant any harm. Maybe the devil got a hold of him momentarily.

As far as I know, nobody else was physically or sexually abused at the home. We were all subject to the stiff, legalistic ideology, preparation for a boring and sheltered life, and the brainwashing.

I was sent to VH because my mother was tired of the daily phone calls from the school principal; I never behaved at church, around town or anywhere. I had also vandalized many vehicles in my younger years, and on one occasion got caught by the owner of a junkyard, who assessed over $2,500 in damage. My mom was unaware of the legalistic practices and beliefs of this school. She had consulted with them and asked if they were followers of Jack Hyles (former Fundamental Baptist empire leader). They didn't subscribe to Hyles, or any specific Christian leader that I was aware of. They had many friends in the ministry, but their main source was the King James Version of the Holy Bible. My mom felt that this was what I needed.

MU: What changes would you like to see with these reform schools?

DC: My experience was different from many kids who have been sexually and physically abused. I was not abused, but I was brainwashed day in and day out. I do believe that boarding school curriculum should be monitored by competent officials. I am hesitant to say that state/govt. officials should be in charge, because many of them are simply incompetent. These places should be honest and up-front with their ideology and beliefs to the parents who are sending their kids there and the child who is going to the school should be aware as well. If they are hard-line fundamentalists, that should be disclosed, rather than just quoting a bunch of verses in their mission statement.

While trying to get these leaders to "cool it on the God stuff" is not an option, they need to know that brainwashing and forcing their ideals down one's throat never yields good results, unless the person they brainwash has a mind that accommodates fear and being controlled as the norm. As a side note, I truly am not aware whether or not VH was state-licensed.

MU: Do you think these reform schools have a negative effect on teens who have been placed there against their will? Why or why not?

DC: I think it really depends on the school, the teen, and their lot in life. Some teens really need the discipline and structure that some boarding schools offer. Others do not. There should be a thorough assessment by the school's officials as to whether or not the teen needs their assistance, rather than assuming, "Everyone needs the Lord, and here's another body to put in the school." As for the troubled teens who DO need the rehabilitation, going to the measures of sending them to a boarding school may be the only answer. As for teens who are average, rebellious hormone-balls, there may be a better answer. Perhaps a shorter time of being institutionalized... for instance, a summer away can make a lot of difference, whereas an entire year can be too much. In my situation, 4-5 months (or half a school year) would have been plenty of time. A whole school year was too long.

MU: What would you say to a parent who is considering placing their teen in an unlicensed reform facility that forces religion and uses solitary confinement as a means to rehabilitate?

DC: If you are hoping that your teen will become a devoted Christian, in the process of rebuilding a troubled life, it's very important that you understand what brand of Christianity they are being subjected to. Hard-line, fundamentalist, all-or-nothing salvation is not the way to convert anyone, unless you simply want fear of hellfire to win them over. The leaders and mentors who taught me the fundamentalist view of Christ rarely had anything to say about peace, love, forgiveness and the joy that can come with being a Christian.

Or maybe they did, but they sure made it sound boring, guilt-ridden and unrewarding. They focused on how angry God is, and why sinners should beware. They were judgmental as hell, but once you turned the tables on them, they would quote, "Judge not, lest ye be judged." They had an answer in the form of a Bible verse for everything.

This brand of Christianity borders on dangerous, if not just spiritually devoiding. I know there are worse fundamentalists out there who use the Bible as a means to justify abuse, racism, violence and other TRUE evil sins. I got the kind that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and makes you hunger the "things of the world." This is not the way to convert anyone in a way that will be a lasting, productive change. Eventually, they will look the entire concept over and rebel against it. They may also come to the conclusion that religion sucks and not want any part of God...or any religious ideals for the rest of their lives.

MU: How did you feel when you were released from the boy's facility you were in? Were you angry at your parents? Did you suffer from depression?

DC: I was angry at my mom, for not taking me out of VH when I begged her to at the halfway point. I knew I had learned all I was going to learn, and was desperate to get out. After I returned home she was a lot more lenient with me, as far as allowing me to choose what music I would listen to, how I would dress, etc. (very important to me at that time of my adolescent/teenage life.)

She did try to get me into church when I returned home, and I wanted no part of it. I hated God, and all Christian activity like never before. I wanted to "feed my flesh" or give into "sinful" desires... though, looking back, the "sinful" desires I had were normal.

Listening to rock music, laughing at and telling dirty jokes, looking at girls, swearing... those were so demonized by Pastor Steve and his goons at VH. I now believe the real evil in this world (as mentioned before) is violence, hatred, racism, greed- but these were not the main focus when Pastor Steve discussed what went against God.

After I left VH I took in all the "filth of the world" that I possibly could, and to this day, still seek out ungodly, worldly spirituality, entertainment, etc. There have been times that I have actively chosen the "low road" just to go against the Christian way. I still have this very small part of my mind that thinks that deep down, the entertainment I choose is evil, and feel like I should have guilt over it. But, I don't allow myself to. There is also a part of me that realizes that Christ doesn't have to be the angry stiff I was introduced to. I also never evangelize anyone because I don't want to sound like those assholes at VH. I am hesitant to talk about Christ and God's love, because I do not want to identify with that brand of Christianity. I don't seek out Christian fellowship, unless I know the Christian has a good, liberal head on their shoulders.

I find a nice balance in Unitarian Universalism, in that it is a church without dogma or a creed. I am able to think for myself, have a responsible search for truth and meaning and look to many sources of wisdom in a community of like-minded people. The Unitarian Universalist Church was the first church I ever joined on my own free will. I rarely enjoy experiences at Christian churches because I still associate Christians with being strict and boring, or just plain dorky. I also don't feel that people who gather in the name of a religion that forsakes other religion to be open-minded. Open mindedness is very important to me in a church community.

I do feel a connection with God/Source/Spirit when I take solitary walks in the Oregon forest. Out there, I am able to communicate and listen to the Divine Being. During these times, I feel a sense of peace, and I want to go out and help others, love the unlovable and put out positive energy. This is not the same feeling I got while stuck at VH, being forced to subscribe to their unexciting way of connecting with God.

I am thankful that I can find that peace with God now. While I often struggle, I have faith and thankfulness to the God that has blessed me in many ways, and am happy that I can recognize that in my own way. THAT is true spirituality.